With the exception of that first one, all of these make me feel inferior.

We still have all of those books and my son will occasionally read a story and remark how horrifying they are. He's 22, now and "Harold" still creeps him the fuckout.

I once saw a clown driving a dusty old beater down a lonely country road. When I passed him, he screamed at me.

B-69

So, I followed you here on gawker media. What does that do? Am I somehow alerted when you post? Are we BFF's now? What happens?

I never let the facts get in the way of a joke.

Why did I find this so funny?

My wife laughs if someone hits their head on something. It used to piss me off, but she simply cannot help it. I have been in an attic where I bashed my head against a rafter so hard it bled and I could see her, her back to me, with her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

Maybe he was applying the "Don't wear the T-shirt of the band you're seeing" rule to his sports team. You ever think of that, hater?

That viral video is brilliant. Plus, it doesn't hurt that she picked a perfect (if very derivative) pop song. I can't imagine that it'll be too long before I'm tired of hearing her.

That red looks like my favorite guitar color: Fender's Fiesta Red.

Okay, after the abortion post, the San Diego mayor and this, my outrage has reached critical mass.

God damn. Texas, Ohio, NC, Wisconsin. How underhanded and sneaky is it to hide something this important in a fucking motorcycle safety bill? It seems like that would be illegal.

Oh. He calls it a Bull Gator Tater.

My redneck cousin makes a drink with Vodka (flavored or unflavored), Red Bull, and Gatorade. He makes them strong and he makes them big and they fuck you up. He says that the Red Bull keeps you alert and the Gatorade eliminates the hangover. Up to a point, that may be true. After three 32 ounce drinks, nothing helps.

Siobhan Blowjob: 33 points

Jesus. He'll be eligible for parole in 660 years. Where's the justice in that?

Someone tell nature that Truck Nutz are passe.

An oxford comma.

But this is Ohio, who just snuck in the same law Texas did. So if she was past 20 weeks, it would be murder.