I always meet the hottest chicks at the ER.

I'm going to guess that the "toddler bought it" the exact same moment his wife found out.

Band-Aids are racist because, baby, that color don't match anyone's skin.

She's really gonna need to work on her smug to replace Carlson.

No. I have never met a woman. What are they like?

Amid football players offering their girlfriends up for rape, that little d-bag bieber (is that a b-bag?), and Ohio banning abortion, it is nice to find a story like this. More, please.

What kind of people do you play ball with? Jesus.

Has this kind of shit always happened and we just weren't told about it or is this a new, disgusting thing that's popped up? I'm a huge college football fan, but it just seems like it's getting out of control.

I'm surprised he didn't piss in it.

I am so ashamed of Ohio. I live in Columbus (and split time in Chicago) and I don't know a single person that supports this. This includes people who I disagree with on just about everything else (so I guess they did endorse this by voting for Kasich). But generally speaking, Ohio is a very tolerant and diverse state.

Fuck Ohio? Fuck Michigan you doucheturd!

And not enough indians, am I right?

There is definitely a feeling you get at the original Disneyland. I don't know if it's held over from when I was a kid, but it just feels magical in the park. Disney World doesn't have that charm. Regular amusement parks don't have it.

It's Briykrs.

I don't my parents had any concept of turning a baby and as a result, the back of my head is flat.

I love this gif (and I'm pronouncing it with a hard g) more than anything in the world.

You know what I always thought was odd? I would never, ever, ever let my kids play with matches, but I have no problem letting them run around with a fiery sparkler that's hotter than the surface of the sun. And I would encourage them to wave it around.

Open a checking account.

MAMMMY!!!!!

Cincinnati Chili is delicious, delicious.