I'm kind of fat. I wear a three-three.

How do I get one? I want one right now.

He had one of the best cameos in a movie since Bill Murray in Zombieland (This Is The End)

Isn't having your face light up kind of suspicious? I mean, if I worked for whatever security agency that was scanning faces, I'd be like, "Let's go ahead and pick up Mr. Shiny Face. He must be hiding something."

Any studio that gave us Up, The Incredibles, and the greatest Trilogy ever filmed gets a pass on having a few clunkers. But I didn't think brave clunked. It just felt too Disney.

Holy cow, I think I went there. It was probably ten years ago or so, but I went with my company. It's a team building thing, but the saloon was open (and free) so we built the best goddamned teams ever. Best, drunken, flirty, saying-shit-we-would-soon-regret teams ever.

When, as a couple, you have reached the point where you want...no, NEED to have sex in a car, then whatever car you're in will be fine and it will be the best sex ever.

I worked as a Planner at Victoria's Secret. I'm male. My first week I worked in the stores. Women avoided me. I stood there in my black suit with a black shirt and a pink tie and tried not to look at anything or anyone. Every once in a while, a woman would come up and ask me a question. I'd been there for two days.…

I hated that scene in The Exorcist.

I've seen it or something very similar to it, at Sam's Club.

VOTE: TEC Patio II

Great. More buttons. Last time I bought a multi-effects pedal I spent three weeks fiddling with models and cabinets and effects to end up with 21 pre-programmed effects that sounded exactly like my guitar straight into my amp.

I'm gonna go re-read that story about the father who's proud of his son's academics on Gawker again.

That one in Tokyo took nearly 30 seconds to retrieve my bike! 30 seconds? That's a deal-breaker for New Yorkers.

That's Willie Nelson, smoking a joint.

Love it.

Thank you for that. After reading about that bitch in the Dunkin' Donuts and that poor woman who was jailed for accusing a scumbag marshall, I needed something like this.

Who is that? Cutler's wearing a white tie.

ew. Just ew.

I'm shocked that the car survives that many attempts.