Maybe it's time to send Rolling Stone magazine out to get to the bottom of this shit.

Sure this may ultimately turn into a good decision for the city, but I think even you would have to agree that the following part of the story is particularly depressing:

Fact: Horny Juice was also the name of TCU's short-lived Gatorade competitor.

Yeah, but I hear you can get it topped with Eminems.

"To clarify, I utterly respect and appreciate every police officer that protects and serves all of us with honesty, integrity and the right way. And I don't think those kind of officers should be offended by what I did."

I'm sure that officer understands, wherever he is.

"Besides in gymnastics I heard there's this event where they beat a horse."

Makes sense. We know that he's experienced in various disciplines.

"So, Commissioner Goodell, would you say that this issue entirely boils down to semantics?"

Let me get this straight, some kind-hearted Jaguars fan went out of his way to make sure that this couple didn't have to spend a weekend in Jacksonville and somehow he's the bad guy?

Sometimes professionals over-think the problem. Just inflate the damn ball next time.

So you think they should get a bunch of no name middle eastern actors and then speak Arabic with subtitles? Yeah that will fill the theaters up.

It's a Bible story, but it paints Old Testament God as an angry, petulant child willing to murder hundreds of thousands of people because he's impatient and bored accurately.

"... paints the Old Testament God as an angry, petulant child willing to murder hundreds of thousands of people because he's impatient and bored."

Very subtle what Goodell did here.

Why did your law school turn out so many Chinese restaurant founders?

I went to law school with 100 people like this. Don't go to law school.

Incorrect.

Speaking of canceling races, have the police killed all the black people yet?

It's just a Buffalo Hand Warmer

Keep in mind that Drew takes the crusts off his pizza slices. So, don't trust him on anything pizza.