I'd be working on it right now if it wasn't for this shit-ass chat.

I don't know, seems like the right place to call for someone who's always getting beat.

When was the point that it became necessary to have movie trilogies last for four movies?

10 years. That's insane. I met a Hooters waitress who was home for the summer semester in Kalamazoo, and we were very flirtatious during our sociology class. (Oh god, this sounds like a Drunken Hookup Failure, doesn't it?) She attended Michigan full time, and when she went back she invited me down to Ann Arbor to hang…

I don't understand all this talk about throwing people under the bus. If you've ever seen RG3 play, you know he'd bounce them about 10 feet in front of the bus.

The NFL wins. The NFL always does.

No. The rules only apply to human beings.

Oh sure, but when RGIII leaves the game in the first quarter it's perfectly fine.

Hot take incoming.

I guess when it comes to a black person trusting police, it really does take a leap of faith.

It's still better than last year when the Cardinals QB job depended on Drew Straws.

I'm totally OK if this comment section becomes solely Tosh-bashing.

Today, we're covering poop, car washes, bread, orgasms, and more.

How do you not mention the single actual use for the panic button? Finding your car in a large parking lot.

Billy, I hate to nitpick, but I have a problem with the headline. The phrase "insane, masturbatory rampage" should be "insane masturbatory rampage." You shouldn't use a comma when the last adjective outranks its predecessor and is an integral part of the noun phrase. In this case, the rampage is not both insane…

Well, I have to think that wearing his jersey like this is really not helping things.

Basketball
Energy drinks
New team
G
Halftime naps
A
Z
Irving

this post contains every one of my least successful pickup lines.

Reporter: What do you have to say for yourselves?

Brings a new meaning to "hit the showers", I guess.