The Diarrhea Incident sounds like late 70's Robert Ludlum.

So if I slice through a loaf am I now a butcher?

So? 

I always remember my mum’s strategy with dealing with leftovers, which was basically saying ‘Eat it, you little bugger, that’s nothing else....’

Better still, soak your steak in Bovril...

Absolutely, a perfect farinceous substitute for beef, seasoned with huge amounts of self-satisfaction. Delicious!

Same here! And it’s been as I’ve gotten older. I can’t do anything that spins, or goes in a pendulum motion.

‘Beefing’ is an unfortunate term....

‘Unfortunately, the Jeep was infested with mice’. David, I’d actually be surprised if less than half of your mechanical harem wasn’t home to some sort of livestock of various descriptions....

Who can take a sunrise (who can take a sunrise)

Not a state fair but years ago I was at a funfair in London and was on the Waltzer, the ride where you are in spinning carousels on an undulating, spinning base. It can be a bit *upsetting* at the best of times, but as we spun rapidly I saw from the carriage behind us a sudden, and surprisingly voluminous, spiralling…

Don’t think I could ever drive a car named after Non-Specific Urethritis...

‘You know things are serious when Garage 54 is trying to take safety into account.’ Jeez, I thought Garage 54 wouldn’t be concerned about any form of safety until they decided to mess about with nuclear gubbins.

Someone gets the gag...

‘Yes Officer, the Dollar Tree management are complaining about the canine excrement in their car park. Its’ next to the three dead bodies.....’

Same here. Not for me. I’ve got a lovely pair of over-the-ear Sennheiser HD202s. Mind you, if I swallow those I’m utterly fucked....

People said this brilliant film was a two-man show, but I insist Defoe’s digestive system deserved its own billing.

Seriously Jason, your saga of the Changli was one of the very few uplifting and absolutely heart-warming stories of last year. I looked forward to every new development, loved every word, and was so glad when it really seemed to turn out well. If you’re having birthday cake and soda raise a toast, and thanks for all…

Not a particular fan of this, and can’t stand Adrien Brody, but how could you resist a film director named Nimrod?! The only other person I’ve heard of with this particular handle, outside of fiction, is the quite fascinating Nimrod Ping, which is an even better name!

The US can have them if they want! We’ll pay the postage and packing and everything......