How about just parking a pick-up truck near the door?

Allison, you are a revelation! Some fancy university should name a wing after you.....

And Elvis stole only eight-part medieval plainsong.

This is a disaster! Who’s going to write the music for pork pie adverts now?

One should remember that with some people rhubarb can have certain moving properties.

‘I, Oswald, take you, Spotty, to be my wife / husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, or until the 10k runs out’.

On Craigslist it was a close-run thing as to which pages had the most pictures of hideous junk - the car sections or the personal ads.

Try this one, with the dulcet tones of the great Vivian Stanshall.

I always squeeze my bag when making tea. Terrible habit....

This ‘ere place did a piece on Mr. Brooks’ breakfast nosebag, and its damn funny.

The best part of the bird for a slow-cooked stew too, far more flavour than wings or legs.

On Subway ‘bread’, which has so much sugar that the Irish government want it re-classified as cake.

I wonder if Montemayor Trucking is just a shell company for something bigger?

Probably doesn’t want to get into hock.

But he’s made rasher decisions than this. 

Nic Cage certainly has the chops for this. 

Oh Mike.... This is bad news. Thanks for so many hugely entertaining pieces which of course drove me back to Wikipedia and down many other wormholes. Of course it isn’t perfect, comedian Andy Zaltzman was surprised to find that his entry claimed he played the bassoon on a Boney M hit, but Wiki Wormhole found some…

There are a number of vegan mayos around, but the one I tried just tasted like a thin salty gum.

There’s a new limited edition Marmite with chilli, apparently quite strong, as it has to be to fight it out with the Marmite.

‘We called it Red Drank, and we eventually stopped ordering it because we discovered what looked like bone or tooth fragments in the bottom of one can.’ You seem to have dealt with that far more calmly than I would. ‘Excuse me, Amazon, why is there bits of people in my red collagen?’