It’s a Christmas miracle!

Hey! I’ve genuinely achieved less than nothing in my life!

‘But the dad-of-two hit back at his critics and said his wife Hannah Nguyen has always been supportive.’ When fully charged. 

At one point he was banned from every single licenced premises in the NYC area, and there is a famous pic of him being hauled in by the cops after a bar fight, blood running from his head and looking absolutely dreadful.

Ha! A friend who had terrible trouble with his Beemer, now long gone, was convinced it stood for Broke My Will....

How about the Piglet & Biscuit sandwich?

If you’re determined about this, at least fry it, or use it as a fritter in batter.

As someone who would sell his soul, or at least let it go on a long lease, for roast cauliflower, this sounds amazing.

Soup. Asparagus soup is superb, and there are loads of recipes online.

‘If anything, I regretted not making myself more asparagus. How often does someone say that?’ Certainly not the person sharing the bathroom....

It that tweet actually real? I truly thought that was a joke.

Sony took an injuction stopping the use of ‘Starship Troopers’.

‘ ... a fine breakfast of Black Forest ham, supermarket Sauvignon Blanc, and tiny chocolate bars?’ I’ve been years ahead of this trend! You lot are just catching me up!

‘...nothing is less elegant than your guests picking raspberry seeds out of their teeth.’ You haven’t been to some of the dinner parties I have...

Have a star for the wonderful use of ‘befuddles’, followed by ‘the fuck’. 

‘This year saw a metric buttload of fried chicken sandwiches.’ Glad to see The Takeout finally adopt the metric system. I hope this will continue with the use of measurements such as the metric fuckton, the metric shitload and the metric jizzbucketful.

THIS! In 96pt Bold Caps Underlined.

Dear God, Tony Hancock’s nightmare has come true. ‘I thought my mother was a bad cook.... at least her gravy used to move about....’

Thanks, S-o-t-r3. I now have Glenn Miller Is Missing running through my head and steadfastly refusing to leave....

How did you deal with the moths in the lab?