Nets aren't great, but they are one of the best shooting teams in the league right now.

Improvised ranged weapons only deal 1d4.

I prefer to say it with a photo :)

and nothing of value was lost.

A) Congratulations, future Postmaster General Brennan!

Anyway I can have that pun returned to sender? That was horrible!

You can drink water?

c'mon NOBODY uses 4th edition rules...

I am such a fan of this thread right now.

If it's a masterwork ukulele I think you'd have to worry more about the bard you stole it from killing you after you try to use it as a club.

Ukes actually come in various sizes - granted they're all rather small but it is possible to inflict "tiny ukulele" damage versus mid sized ukulele damage.
I also need sleep (which I originally typed as "slap") so I feel your pain.

2d4 is like, greatclub damage. There's no way in hell a ukulele could do that much. Not even a demon ukulele from hell. (Because, really, there's not much difference between a normal ukulele and a demon ukulele from hell. Maybe a to hit bonus, but that's it.) A ukulele would, at best, count as a poor quality…

We need to say aloha to ukulele violence.

Wow they should take a page from Law and Order: SVU. They're able to get sex crimes investigated, tried, and all wrapped up in what seems like just a matter of days. (This is sarcasm; don't yell at me).

some people not fans of beyonce. SHOCKER.

I know, paid almost $1000 for a single day's work? How dare they? HOW DARE THEY?

</sarcasm>

Teams are probably having trouble finding him.

I thought this was going to be a one line article saying, "because he is a horrible person"