SLURRED LIMES: The new hit single by Dummy McRapperson.

Dude....I feel so jealous I can feel it in my throat. I used to pretend Tom Hanks was my Dad when I was a kid. He seemed like a solid option.

my dad's face for practically every picture we have of him. He says he doesn't realize he's doing it though.

Yeah...kinda looks like I'm trying to pull his head off, doesn't it?

My father was a raging racist also and I am not. I held a gun on him when I was 12 and the only reason I didn't kill him was because of the mess I would have been left with. Funny irony is now I have that same gun under my bed. I hate father's day.

Then:

I know mine but he isn't worth a damn.

Ugh, someone just cast DOUBT on my credentials as doctah! I cannot let these accusations go unanswered!!

As a religious person I should thank you. Having you associating with Atheism is only going to make more people religious.

This is why atheists have such a bad reputation. Going on long rants about how stupid everyone is that believes in "a man in the clouds" and then says something about how they believe in something ridiculous is not exactly the best way to win friends. I'm not particularly religious, but I hate it when people push…

Christopher Walken and Jeff Goldblum. So weird, so my favorites.

There's a hair salon by my place where the sign has a big picture of Christopher Walken and says "Walkens Welcome."

Except you did write, "and perhaps worse things than generations before us have to." As one of those "old people" that used to feel like you, let me give you a bit of hard won advice. Life is hard for just about everyone. When someone says, "what's wrong with kids these days," what they mean is what is wrong with the…

Does anyone else think the excessive media coverage of violent crimes is setting off sick minded people? Ever since Sandyhook and the theater shooting there have been so many more shootings than ever before.

Who's got my golden arm? WHOOOOOOOOO'S GOT MY GOOOOOOOOOLDEN AAAAAARRRRM?

I have had to Google the weirdest shit since this story broke...

That is AMAZING. I have a god now—-and that god is a Kraken Pie.

There's a reason we have different standards for adults and children. We don't say a twelve year old should be treated as an adult if she has sex with an adult — no matter how much she "wanted" it, because we have decided that young children don't have the capacity to consent, or to sign contracts, or to rationalize…

That sounds like one of the most valuable days you could have had at school.