I hope all of the bystanders saying “someone needs to do something" without actually doing something get food poisoning and shit their beds.

Notice the cameraman’s Cardinals hat. Looking good, Missouri.

I have a general craft beer question that maybe someone more well versed than I can answer. When a beer has multiple types of hops, how the hell can you tell which one you like? How do you know it’s not the combination? When I read the hop types in the beer i’m drinking I think it’s neat to know more about how it was…

But where is Marlins Man in all of this?

Do they still have St. Louis and...um...the other fast guy I always traded for in EA’s NHL game?

* Tourists in the way.

No Art for Art’s Sake? How did they get a copy of my YA novel set in a fascist dystopian society? It’s like a 1984 for teens where all creative expression has been outlawed, but a brother and sister begin making music with percussion inspiring their friends to dance. They are rounded up and executed. Buy Under Armour.

Oh god. I’ve been to Branson and I recognize the long haired fiddle player. And the spray tan guy.

If you slow this down and auto tune this it sounds exactly like a John Fogerty song.

Oh God! Why am I reading this? Why am I reading this at work?! Gaaah!

Wait, FIFA is competing in a corruption tournament and they’ve committed a violation? But that violation is corruption, which is the point of the Workd Cup of Corruption.

“That’s some snappy writing.” - Person you think is an unfunny hack. I’ll guess Dave Barry... No wait! Jay Leno!

Don’t troll me, bro.

I’m supposed to be impressed by an adult who brought a glove to the game?

I like the third base coach walking towards home shaking his head as if he gets to tell the ump to disallow it. High school coaches are the best/worst.

That Dodgers fan was way too pumped to catch a dinger hit by the opposing team’s pitcher.

The lives of black police matter the most.

I had barely recovered from that beautiful zinger and then I read your handle. What a joy you have made my cereal time.

Look at the sadness in his eyes. Is it any wonder he can’t fathom someone marrying for love?

“We need better walk-up songs too. Personally, I’m all about that bass.”