That's amazing.

You know I'm gonna do a Netflix search for that, right? Like, right now.

It's the tall, geeky, depressed squintern from Bones! I love that guy.

Oh, Ari. You are far too good to us.

The mother of one football player later asked me, “If we were such terrible, football-obsessed people, why would we have clapped?”

My doggie is patriotic.

STOP MAKING ME LIKE YOU, RUSSELL BRAND.

I see it as more of a confused puppy face.

That is the most selfish thing I've ever heard.

Well, this explains a few things. His mother said he was 'good-looking' and 'charming' and 'doesn't have to get girls drunk to have sex with them,' and his dad, the POLICE OFFICER, said he holds the girl more responsible than the boys because she went to the party in the first place, and if she wanted to leave, all…

Truly, he is timeless.

Please, lord. Let him get his own show. He's adorable.

What kind of theoretical cheese is this Ranch dressing on? God is in the details.

I stand corrected. He's practically Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle.

Fine, for the sake of argument, let's pretend your little angel isn't a rapist. He's still the kind of guy to sit around while his friends are fucking an intoxicated girl, (presumably watching the live show) before taking his turn.

Note to self: Never rent any property to a pack of wild dogs.

My American history is not quite up to snuff, what with being Canadian and all, but I'm fair certain I heard something about a whole war whose entire premise was, "Slavery is just not cool. Where's my musket?"

Punk died when Avril Lavigne claimed it. I know punk, Ms. Lavigne, and you, Ma'am, are not it. Go play with your Emily the Strange dolls.

I was thinking the same thing. When did, "I will delete you and block you," become the new, "I will hunt you down and skin you like a rabid polecat"?