Is it really that hard to refrain from masturbating for 100+ days? Especially if you know there are cameras recording EVERYTHING YOU DO?

Hand to God, one day he followed me to my car and tried to CRAWL IN MY LAP in the driver's seat. Stomped on my flip-flop wearing foot at the time, but he was determined to DRIVE HOME WITH ME.

Or so she says now, to make herself seem more 'Oprah' (accessible, down to earth). Admitting she was about to splurge forty grand on a purse would damage her brand.

I used this yesterday with someone else. I hope it helps.

I think she's fortunate enough to be able to afford tougher-than-averege security measures. Like, South American Warlord security measures. I think she'll need them.

But only as pyjamas. If you wore her as a track suit then we are OVER.

My life was a much better place before I knew there was a corpse fetish magazine.

We'd still be friends if you skinned Effie Trinket and wore her as pyjamas.

Dear Surgeon Dude;

Mother of fuck.

Jesus Christ. :/

That Cory Monteith gif is just the saddest thing.

Add six more and my house would look like a murder scene.

If this were me, I'd pick up my ring and clutch it to my breast and they'd only get it off of me when they pried my cold, dead, withered talons off of it.

The SPCA in a neighbouring town has a sign out front that says, 'Don't Litter. Spay or Neuter Your Pets.' It cracks me up every time I see it. Sometimes they sell t-shirts as a fundraiser and I can't wait to own one. 'Don't Litter.' Awesome.

Well, you made me cry.

Dudes, do this: take a mason jar and put in about a cup of chopped up rhubarb, quarter cup of sugar and fill the rest with vodka. Lid that thing and for the next week or so, shake it a few times a day. Vigorously. Like it owes you money. Drain off the rhubarb and voila, you have rhubarb infused vodka, all ready for…

Serious query: Why was he carrying that much money in coinage? I'm really curious.

What? Upset her meal ticket? Heaven forbid.

This is a pet peeve specific to me: I live in a small Alberta town with family and friends not in my small Alberta town, so we travel to weddings out of province or at a distance in province. For example, we're supposed to be going to a wedding in Seattle this summer. Lovely, yeah? Seattle is great.