I love how people use the World Cup as a measure of whether he’s the GOAT or not. If Jordan hadn’t won an Olympic gold medal, would that diminish his accomplishments? Europe is and always has been the center of world soccer talent. He has dominated Europe for a decade and whatever records he doesn’t already hold, he…

Well, I can tell you who won all 12 rounds by a landslide: CTE!

Good thing being stupid isn’t a crime, cuz this dude would’ve gotten a life sentence.

This entire country has made a bullshit bet on sports. For all the trillions we’ve wasted on state-of-the-art stadia for mostly mediocre-to-shitty teams owned by already-filthy-rich white men, we could have built any number of infrastructure projects to put our cities on par with the Europeans and the Japanese.…

Now, if he can just learn to find the clitoris in under five seconds, he’ll be all set.

Against the rules?? That kinda shit should be mandatory. Even better would be uniforms that change temporarily to the opposing team’s colors at random intervals. Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer, but we gotta do something to make all that non-goal-scoring time more engaging.

Definitely the Donald Trump of ballpark sculptures.

If we can’t even trust the people ho measure home runs, who CAN we trust?

Barca has a boatload of money to spend. They’ll be fine.

“First, I had to pay a woman $375,000 to drop a rape charge, and then I had to defend myself against accusations of tax evasion, and now I must face a suspension for shoving a referee! Whenever will I stop being forced to take responsibility for my actions?!”

Must suck working so damn hard only to be the second greatest player of all time. Btw, pretty sure that yellow card was to make up for the thousand other flops he’s had during his career.

Hopefully a giant earthquake will plunge SoCal into the Pacific before then. It would be a less cruel fate.

Not sure why this is at all surprising. The MMA industry is no different from the NFL in that entertainment will always come before the health of the guys who provide said entertainment. If people really “cared” about the fighters (or running backs or linebackers, etc), they would tell them to retire immediately, for…

Incidentally, also the first-biggest possible who-gives-a-shit.

Thanks for reminding me why I don’t watch baseball.

Ah, yes, LaVar: the Trump of boys’ basketball, complete with his own line of shitty, self-branded merch and a penchant for taking credit for things that aren’t his. And as we do with Trump daily, we must wonder what else will be destroyed by this human embodiment of a house fire. If civilizations in decline have one…

Good move. Even with LeBron, the chances of another championship in CLE are slim to none, thanks to KD singlehandedly fucking up the league. He deserves to be the focal point, hopefully of a team that’s on the bubble. The best antidote to GSW is not another super team, but rather a more even distribution of top 20…

Isn’t life in ‘Murica just grand? I mean, when it comes to preying on the weak and vulnerable, who does it better?

As Gandhi once said, fuck rich people.