That shit actually used to happen at Olive Garden in my town. A breakout of hepatitis was traced back to all the recipients dining at the same Olive Garden the same night.

...what?

someone get this man on staff at MAD!

How much does the gig pay?

Shouldn’t you get back to saving the world with hashtags?

You’re the one defending Taco Bell and teenagers... I have no idea how a rational human being could do so and have the stones to call someone else a douchebag...

It’s quite normal to loudly proclaim that you hate heterosexual sex in a public movie theater.

“OMG Greta just lifted up her right cheek and let one rip. A really foul meaty fart, to be sure. It could be assumed that carnitas do NOT agree with her...”

Why not

I didn’t know that it was uncool now to point out facts like “Teenagers suck.”

Nah, they’ve always looked too much like a cross between Gizmo from Gremlins and a Culkin. Now, their sister on the other hand.... she can warp my mind anyday if you know what I mean....

There’s more meat in your pants than in the food!

That they have horrible taste in food? And want photographic evidence of it?

I remember a lot of pasty faces caked in makeup and tan mid sections, people actually protected their faces from wrinkles for a few years there.

I thought it was funny when someone mentioned they checked and she was 17 in the photo. Everyone was like, “oh, whoops”

“You look like the Count of Monte Cristo in that thing!”

“Jerry, this is a benefit to clothe the homeless. You look like you’re gonna swing in on a Chandelier!”

Still healthier than whatever passes for the meat, cheese, and tortilla....

It hits syndication I’m betting around the time that Michael Moriarty got fired for running his mouth, also around that time they dialed back the stories that mixed the law and order segments up, I remember a lot of episodes early on where a case would be dismissed and we’d cut to Logan and whatever older partner he…

Someones gonna be glad they got their dress for free...

Ive read some erotic literature that says some people find a gaseous evening quite... Erotic.