Not the Cook County that I know....then again, I’m on the north side of Chicago, and if some redneck tried to pull this here, the result wouldn’t be pretty. On the plus side, the mouthbreathers don’t come to Lakeview much, save to slink into a Cubs game when they can afford a bleacher seat.

I drove a Lancia Ysplanti in Italy a few weeks ago as my rental car, thought I was going to hate the little toaster on wheels, but actually had a ton of fun in her, zipping through the hills in Tuscany. I’ll forever be a fan for that week alone, and I never even got to drive one of the cool ones.

But Travis stuck the landing, and isn’t a dick, so I think we all know who the real winner is here.

“I’m scheduled to jump these fountains here in a few minutes. Better give me a shot of Turkey first.” Ah, rednecks.

She’s bone stock and beautiful. I hope someone who truly appreciates her picks her up and drivers her for 300,000 miles.

Save for the Suzuki, these are all reasonable choices. Something is very odd about all of this.

“Wait, we’re not doing the Horst Wessel song like I requested?”

There’s probably 100,000 Trumplicking conservatives in Orange County who are convinced that “more pollution makes them better Americans,” and then there’s the rest of the state that hates those morons.

My thoughts exactly. Though the Hornet is a pretty cool fighter jet, too.

My 10 pound cat at home, when he’s feeling aggro enough, can put the hurting on my forearm, and that’s when we’re just playing around.

That train looks like a big platypus, and that’s a good thing.

Just effortlessley cool.

Yeah, this car still gives me a boner. So does Demi Moore. Other than that, the 80's are way overrated.

I dig your style, man.

I’ll go ahead and thank both of you for making my morning complete.

He also can’t get laid for the life of him.

“...aaaaaand 5! Okay, antifa, I’m coming for you!” It would be even funnier if it wasn’t so sad. I gotta go join up with my local antifa chapter.

You, sir, are doing God’s work here. Nicely done!

I had a similar reaction, you just phrased it perfectly.

This is the definition of “meta,” right?