an electric start from Corbin, who struck out 10 batters in the first three innings

Congrats to the conservative media for continuing to roll out such hit pieces as “AOC is Extremely Fun and Cute in College Dance Video” and “AOC Looks Hot After Frugal Haircut in Country’s Most Expensive Metro”

unfortunately, 95% of the world doesn’t know that Lynne Ramsay is one of the greatest living directors.

Yes! It’s very good . If you read the comments on the CTA’s twitter page, you’d think it was an utter disaster, but the last number I remember reading was like, a 96% on time rating across the entire system?

Maybe he had some leftover JogaTV scripts he wanted to use

lmao at the intern running this US military twitter account like some depressed mascot selling snack cakes

Man, athletes who don’t understand “on and off the record” LOVE to get capital-M Mad and have opinions about the principles of on and off the record. 

You can not magically make $16 trillion dollars appear out of nowhere.

I had friends who worked at the Ditka’s steakhouses. They never met Mike personally, but they did work many events and receptions where he would show up hammered or proceed get hammered. Naturally, he’d get handed a mic by some red faced groom frothing at the mouth and say a bunch of weird racist shit or make…

the helmet he’s been wearing his entire career (pro and college)

a hard ass always leads to a bruised peen

I smell a lucrative TC Tuggers endorsement coming Andy’s way

“Perform a bunch of tedious read/write tests” is the exact opposite direction I would go if I think a drive’s about to eat it!

Maddux: “The worst thing a hitter can do with a fastball down and in is pull it foul.”

Wait…your mother’s name was Martha, too?!!

...mens shirts are packed in these fucking weird sealed packages that makes it impossible to actually try them on in the store.

I hate it when I’m the second-highest paid public employee in the state and my literal indentured servants make me feel powerless when they ask not to be abused

“...something that will bring our kids closer together.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO

why spend $125 for the Maker’s Mark bar at Wrigley when you can just get date raped at Casey Moran’s for FREE?