I hate when I’m a millionaire athlete and I get shitted up at Bar Louie on a Tuesday afternoon and assault a fat suburbanite at a Barnes & Noble Starbucks Express

He looks so...taut? Maybe South Beach got to him and he had some work done?

oh noooo somebody shared a video of me looking super hot, fun, and involved in my scholastics!

I desparately want to see a 52-year-old Matt Stairs have a service-time season on the Royals’ bench to make the Hall of Very Long

A representative from Turo commented on their user’s average fleet size:

I mean, Q basically became Phil Jackson. The slow drip of time doesn’t allow you to place precisely when, but the system the Hawks run that won cups in 2010 doesn’t work anymore. The league caught up to and surpassed him. The hodge podge roster of hall-of-fame corpses and AHL level defensemen can’t pull off what Q’s…

Huge agree. If these folks have a pizza-buying radius that extends from Marie’s down to 83rd and Pulaski they should be going to Cicero for Al’s too.

*Morissey voice* But my faith in Tweets is still deVooOoOuUuuT

I saw the thumbnail and was like, what on earth did Christoph Waltz do?

They call him the Diamond Dog.

There is no fucking way that you actually think this suburban Georgia police department does this, right?

Some people call this opinion respectability politics, and it is...a bad point to be making.

You’re doing A LOT of work to try and pull that much meaning out of these two episodes. Seth MacFarlane probably isn’t doing a cheeky shot-for-shot remake of the voyager opening. He *is* probably making a butt joke to make a butt joke, but without any of the three levels of meaning you found in it.

Trade him to the Nats so the transformation can be completed.

In reading about the original run of Twin Peaks, the shared story is always about over-eager television producers imploring Lynch to install a solution to a mystery he never intended to solve. The mystery— or the appeal— of Twin Peaks always lies in the implication that it never existed in a way Frost/Lynch designed.…

Dude if you need narration to help you follow along with what’s happening during a White Sox game, no amount of announcers is going to help you.

When I go between the legs with my jack sock, I always manage to stroke a winner.

PA Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise and remove your Salute to Service caps, sponsored by Raytheon, as sergeant Clit Tidswell presents today’s Navy Federal Credit

It’s like if PFTCommenter got an English degree from some third-rate Ivy