It’s times like these that I wish Al Franken would take off his senator hat for a moment and just lay into Cruz like the genius political satirist he is. Fuck. Ted. Cruz.

He’s got a lot to come to grips with.

The fact that he cannot make a great joke out of this, shows that Ted Cruz has no sense of humor.

New slogan for his 2018 Senate campaign, “Please pull the lever for Ted Cruz so he doesn’t have to pull it himself.”

I’ll just leave this with you...

We can agree that St. Louis....whatever the fuck that is is terrible.

Shots fired.

This is my favorite so far this morning.........

The fruit is hanging low on the joke tree for this one, Ellie.

Cruz has since released a statement:

That pornstar does a lot of mom/son scenes so I don’t know what that says about Teddy Boy and I don’t want to know.

I guess he likes everything from soup to nuts.

Too soon?

I had a friend in elementary school who ONLY ate the crust. She would eat it the same way Donald is above, and then she’d flip it over and pick at the bottom crust.

It’s almost as if these event organizers have no idea what they’re doing and sincerely believe motivation and desire are all one needs in life to be successful.

By these standards I have a luxurious pizza festival in my apartment several times per week.

Instead, people who paid $75 a ticket to get in ended up with teeny, tiny slivers of cold dollar slices on paper plates.

He was called out by numerous politicians, including many Republicans not named Graham or McCain, for his Charlottesville remarks. I think the issue is Republican dissent seems to stop at calling him out . . .

George Carlin did exactly that for decades. His commentary would be very sage.

not to put too fine a point on it, but when the beauty pageant contestants and the comedians are the ones calling out the racist and inflammatory rhetoric of our president and not, oh I dunno, OTHER GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, then there seems to be something deeply amiss with our country