Yeah i’ve got no sympathy for these two whatsoever, I do have some for the kids though.

This is a tragic scenario for her and especially for her children, who will now grow up with a mother in jail and a dead father.

What, you mean that a .50 caliber pistol round, designed to be primarily used for hunting very big game or punching through substantial body-armour and still injuring or killing the target in warfare, wouldn’t be stopped by a fucking book?

This is quality pedantry I can get behind.

“Objection!

Please, please let the prosecutor at some point reply:

I followed up a Woody Guthrie quote with an Oh Susanna quote. This should tell you something. When you were listening to New Wave, I was listening to New Grass. I can’t do Bunnymen. I can do John Prine:

They can make you allergic to meat!!! I was hiking with my wife once a bit back and she noticed one crawl into the waistband of my shorts. I ripped them and my underwear off immediately and got the little bastard. The elderly couple behind us definitely saw my wiener but I’m not fucking around with ticks.

All I can think of now is my childhood best friend, who is now a prosecutor, one time making his own pop culture-related sassy remark in court. Defense kept repeating the phrase “a series of unfortunate events,” a ridiculous number of times, and he burst out with, “Objection, your Honor, this is not Lemony Snicket.”…

Oh, I think you know.

Well when I see you,
I see a mind so tainted
I see time so wasted
it can barely stand
When I see you,
I see a heart so broken
it can’t hold nothin’
and it don’t give a d***.

Oh Susanna

Jesus-fucking-Pride month-CHRIST! Did his lawyer have to quote Gaga’s pro-diversity “Born This Way”, during June, for a punchable-faced douchebag who made drugs needed by HIV-positive people cost-prohibitive? Do these people have no self-awareness?

My neice is kind of a weird but funny kid, yesterday she saw a big ass spider and shouted “Give it the leathal injection in the electric chair then stab it in the face with a gun!”

“You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity”

If you make the demand while essentially holding a gun to my head you’re not brilliant or crazy, you’re just a mugger in a business suit.

I’ve talked a lot of shit about musicians and bands over the years, but even I don’t fuck with Wu Tang fans.

Maybe I just have a grudge against fuckers like him who try to price my mother out of healthcare (she has a serious allergy that needs an epipen) and the people I’ve known who’ve gotten away with child abuse because they get let out without decent parole controls and immediately re-offend.

Yes, as through this world I’ve wandered
I’ve seen lots of funny men;
Some will rob you with a six-gun,
And some with a fountain pen.

If I show you a dollar bill and say, “give me a hundred dollars for this,” that does not make me brilliant.