Don’t stress about it too much, you have time on the cards. Anyone who doesn’t get why it’s taking you a while is a jerk. Plus partner can help write them too if they have a few spare minutes! For real, though, don’t worry about it, you’ll get them done when you get them done.

That’s a heart thing? Oh my goodness I can (sort of) see it now. I’ve been looking at that thing for ever since people started using it and had absolutely no idea what it was supposed to represent. (At one time I thought it might be something to do with lady bits but that’s something I would rather not admit in…

Dear Jane,

“Illegal neighbors yard” was the phrase you were looking for. (Doesn’t matter if they’re actually illegal, immigrated legally, was born here, or is just super tan.)

‘So, what’s your problem? You don’t have any? OK, what’s your lover’s problem? Oh, crap, they just dumped you. Bummer. Uhh, how about your mom? What’s your mom’s problem? She’s dead!?’

Dear Jane,

This is a legit question with a real answer.

Dear Jane,

Nope.

see a proctologist.

I still mourn the death of Millihelen and Kitchenette every single day.

JANE MARIE! I love you, girl, in a non-stalkery on the internet way.

My god, I’ve killed Noble Renard!

But then my problem is that I can’t see my problems and then I wouldn’t be asking advice and oh god it’s all a paradox *blips out of existence*

Hooray, Jane is back! I’d prefer it if you returned clutching Milihelen with a letter of apology from management for scrapping it, but I’ll gladly take this. Welcome back!

Damn, my ability to use English gave the game away.

neighbour’s garden

Dear Jane:

Dear Jane,