Taylor Lautner’s soulmate.

By the prickin o’ mah thumbs somethin thicked this way comes

Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxx. Is he still alive?

I guess TLC is more afraid of The Moral Majority than they are The Butter Mafia.

That People Tweet has a rather unfortunate, but probably accurate, hashtag

I have a theory that he grew his little mustache to torture his adoring fans w/ fever dreams.

Aw Jake Gyllenhaal rescued some baby sea turtles.

He was playing Pierce Brosnan.

She lived to tell..

NEPOTISM

There’s a monster outside my window. Can I have a glass of vodka?

Every time the flash goes off she looks more and more synthetic. Like some kind of Hate-The-Jews Barbie.

If they had stuck closer to the source material it would still be horrific, but with at least some semblance of progress.

Because people will try to fuck it and push Mortdecai.

Because Beck gets off on people talking about it. Malignant narcissism & whatnot.

He’s only fit to run from the ghost of the hustler he strangled during his freshman year of college.

Let her cry. Let her tears fall down like rain...

Robert Johnson was lucky. He just had to show up at the crossroads and sign. None of this extra shit.

It’s one of those things that should really be a thing, but sadly is not.

He’s a contender for the oh so coveted Golden Foreskin Of Solitude.