You start wiping in a sitting position and slowly stand more erect as you remove additional shit in subsequent wipes, so that at the end you’re standing up straight, clean as a whistle and ready to beat the world.

Wipe while sitting down? How the fuck do you wipe while sitting down? You mean crouching? I think this whole thing is based off of how people interpret the phrase “sitting down.” If you were actually still sitting on the rim of the toilet it’s impossible to get into dat ass to wipe. I selected “while standing up” but…

Who says USC isn’t an elite educational institution?????

saleing*

Sisqó is huge in Germany.

When Mix Diskerud of the US National Team was invited into his 1st team camp, he was told to bring his own “cleats.” He didn’t know the term since he grew up in Norway, but figured he would ask his American-born mom. He never got around to it and ended up at camp with no boots to wear.

More annoying: hockey culture calling their fucking jerseys “sweaters” or soccer culture calling their fucking cleats “boots”?

Upon apprehension, the thief will be charged with a Class Eh felony.

Nah, it’s still shitty. She’s saying vulnerable people can’t withdraw their support from the process when it assiduously refuses to represent them.

Report: Andy Reid threw scout’s cheese danish into his belly!

I thought “An Idiot Abroad” was what the Jordanians had already hired!

They need to hire Karl Pilkington as an assistant head coach who gets stuck with the job after Harry has to leave unexpectedly at mid season due to vague medical reasons.

So sad. Garry Shandling and Larry Sanders in the same day. Prayers.

Dillon Brooks should be more like Grayson Allen, a true sportsman.

“Sorry, M’lord, we now realize that’s just Wayne Rooney. Please strike the beastiality pornography charge.”

The kids call him “G-d Shammg-d.”

2015: .207/.293/.340, 78 OPS+, $12M
2016 (proj): .232/.319/.394, $13M