I was there during the epicenter of “we’re all busted because this base is a den of iniquity and y’all better stand the fuck down”. O, the headlines. O, the depositions and courts-martial. Thank gawd this was before the internet, that’s all I’m saying.

I’m from Arkansas and wanted a conflict-free diamond for my wedding ring. Bonus points from it being in my home state and all. Guess what...those muhfuckers are hella expensive. It would have cost less for me to fly to Africa and spend 6 months in a mine my dang self to find a certified conflict-free rock. I plan on…

I think it was in 1993 and it was the only time I’ve ever used a drug. My wuzband and I were stationed at Camp Lejeune and drove up to see the Grateful Dead at UNC. Now, I’m a black chick from Arkansas and had never been in the psychedelic hippy environment that the pervades the Dead concerts. Barefoot dudes were…

I think it’s funny that Twitter is the medium in which I fell into a little crush and mad respect for Chrissy Teigen. It’s even more remarkable how quickly that affection dissipated after watching her supreme awkward ass on Lip Sync Battle. What is her point on that show?

Happens everywhere, but Florida’s really good about releasing all their bizness to the press. Shit be in the news before anybody’s made bail.

Yep! Kids...

Yeah. She got Batman for no other reason than those extracurriculars and if she hadn’t been distracted by what we now know was her impending escape from Tom Cruise, she would have been in the second one. She was all, “scheduling conflicts” when we all know damn well that she didn’t have any marquee roles up next. But…

Chile, that ain’t nothing. I have 10th graders who play “Quarters”—they thunk quarters into each other’s knuckles until they bleed and someone finally gives in and stops. It was only my factoids about hepatitis and HIV transmission from using the same bloody quarter that stopped that little pastime. Kids are dumb.…

Yep. I teach school. If they weren’t doing this, they’d be rubbing their initials into their forearms with erasers.

And, lo, I recall the halcyon days of yore when I dated a white dude in North Carolina. Me, in my fecund youth of 19, experienced a decided loss of ardor towards the young, bandy-legged Marine as he passed a Camel to his buddy while warning him not to “nigger-lip” it while he took a drag. I’d been boning him for a few…

Lively is B-List talent, but A-List strategic navigation skills. She’s got that Hollywood trajectory licked. Like Katie Holmes.

Can I add that the weather here on Saturday was AWESOME! It was like Minnesota forgot to be Minnesota for the day. So happy for her.

Are we sure the exhibit doesn’t smell like patchouli and weed, tho?

I had students who figured out which brand names were being sold at Marshall’s and would pointedly ask each other if they’d bought it “in store or not,” like, “Is that from Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack?” They get it from their parents, I swear. I had a parent see my LV Alma bag and literally reach over — “Ooh! Can I…

And, meanwhile, next time some basic chick is rocking Lilly in public, some soror will eyeball the girl and sniff, “Yeah, ‘for Target’, not the REAL Lilly” the same way they did with Isaac Mizrahi’s shit.

What is the size threshold for when breasts become salacious? Miley keeps trying it with her “edgy” boob shots, but it looks cute instead. Meanwhile, Nicki Minaj gets flack when her boobs are “provocatively” displayed. At what size does a pair of breasts become “dem thangz”?

Gawd, I hate that I’m inclined to believe that, but I suspect something’s a little icky about him. I loved him until I saw how he reacted on Punked when he thought his wife cut her mouth on some glass in the salad. My crush ended right then and there, but I still can’t put my finger on why. Although, we all found out…

I was married, with a toddler and in my first year of grad school. No regrets.

Reese’s heels: too damn high. That’s belabored fashion and my dogs are barking just looking at it.

Shoulda been an alligator. Damn.