Google is indeed a thing. Let me help you out:

I wasn't 100 percent sober.

Thank you. If God wanted me to put milk in my coffee, he wouldn't have invented whiskey.

And, when I see a nig-, um, negro in the street, I wave hello. You know, all friend-like. I haven't chased one with my pick-up in months.

I disagree. I think Liang is going to be found guilty on at least one of the charges. He's a rookie minority officer lacking any institutional ties. The NYPD is going to give the D.A. this one. The department has done little to back him and even the PBA's response has been tepid.

I have the flu and am currently enjoying many of CVS' finest cold and flu concoctions. Would now be the optimal time to read 50 Shades? Because, I think, being in an altered state of consciousness would seem to only help the experience.

I just really didn't want to take away from Beck's moment.... So I just walked back down.

I'm a big fan of Alba Botanica's Un-Petroleum Jelly. It has a Vaseline-like texture minus petroleum and petroleum-related ingredients. I put it on my hands, my lips, and any dry patches that pop up on my face. It's pretty much a winter staple.

I guess with Iggy busy with her feud with Papa John's, Azealia needed to kill a few hours.

Well, someone's got to bolster the family's coffers now that her mendacity aficionado dad has been thrown to streets.

And, by "coyly written" you mean written by the head writer of The Andy Griffith Show? Holy cow.

Of course, whiskey is amazing plus it's medicinal so you may actually be putting your life at risk by not drinking it*.

Thank God, he's wearing his flag lapel pin. If not, he might be mistaken for one of those foreigners. Like Mexicans or Muslims or Mexican Muslims. You know, one of those groups that's taking all our jobs or trying to bomb our nation's finest Dairy Queens.

Since The Mindy Project is still on the maybe/maybe not border for renewal, this baby storyline seems like a bet hedge for them.

Plus, a lawyer for Bobby Brown is saying that Bobbi Kristina and Nick are not legally married, to add another level to the drama.

She wants to sell them. Apparently, she's doing renovations on the house and they are taking a bigger chunk of her share of the estate than she had probably anticipated. Thus, this bit of legal wrangling.

This is what happens when you listen to Mel Gibson. Do not take health advice from anyone who has appeared in any of Lethal Weapon movies. Except Rene Russo. She seems cool.

I had a similar experience as a kid, except it involved my sister pushing my off a pedestal and hitting me with one of the angel wings she tore off my costume.

About two years back, deathvalleyconsort and I went to a friend's birthday party dressed as Daria and Trent. At a party of 30 people, 2 people knew who we were. In that moment, I wasn't just dressed as Daria, I became Daria. And, that party became my Brittany.

The same assholes who jabber on about the government interfering with a parent's right to determine what is right for their children's health certainly have no problem with telling a woman what is right for health and well-being.