You spliced!

Sounds like Drapes didn’t get the memo to avoid writing about ultra-competitive, vengeance-fueled VCs.

This will drive Democrats into the arms of Popeye’s. And Zaxby’s. And Bojangle’s. And Church’s.

I will stop disrespecting horse sports as soon as horse people stop getting hilariously bent out of shape about it. So, hopefully, never.

Woosh

[A hospital.]

And yet...I must try it. Soon as I finish off these:

The dirt hasn't even been shoveled onto Gawkers corpse yet and now you're trying to bring down Deadspin with this bullshit. GTFO of here with these takes

Stopped reading at ‘Unfrosted’.

And the cherry on top of that news? Today is Bill Clinton’s birthday.

“We commend Ishmael for not taking his frustrations out on another human like many of our athletes previously would have. This is another step in the right direction for Baylor athletics.” - new Baylor AD

“Shrinkage Squad”

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

Incidentally, Williams is represented by his twin brother, K’Maun.

Toronto: To be a world class city we need the NFL! Send us a team!

And the security guard was merely requesting their Public Urination Pass!

“Ooooh, so close...we were looking for ‘trickle in’.”

Something about this story doesn’t smell right. I mean, Lochte is no whiz kid, but how is “they were asked to use the bathroom” where this story starts? Something pissed off either the gas station or the swimmers before that. And then why leak the robbery story? Did someone text them “ur in trouble” and they did that…

Did the police consider that the door started it?