And I am one of the most relentlessly visible commenters.

Occam’s razor!

Sounds more like C-Diff than Staph, eh?

Because tobacco smells amazing? Have a walk through a humidor sometime. It doesn’t smell anything like burnt tobacco.

I literally could care more about the texture of my own shit than anything Olympics.

Hi, Sephora employee and fragrance expert here. Not only is tobacco an incredibly popular and wonderful smelling ingredient in several noteworthy fragrances, this particular Tom Ford parfum is from his Private Blends collection and runs for over $200. Give it a shot sometime! It’s more earthy/warm smelling than…

It is amazing , and I hate smoking. But it dosent smell like you would think. It's also insanely priced. Just ask for samples at your local high end department store .

Guy 1: [Gets hit by a car]

“Hey, I may be sleazy and corrupt, but...what was the third thing you said again?”

Sounds like they are going to go after Conlan.

Phew, for a second there I thought the Brazilian police might be corrupt.

LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

female millennial here and based on personal experience/encounters i would say i have a firmer handshake than like 65% of guys my age, and that’s adjusting for the possibility that they’re not going full force to shake my hand (which is a whole different issue)

I swear to god, I can’t even go outside without some young millennial man running up to me and asking me to open a jar for him. I spend all day opening jars. Jesus, get off me! I’m trying to rent an auger!

What if I grip firmly, but also do that douchebag thing where I turn your hand over and cover it with my left hand?

The limp hand handshake is the worst. I learned, at a young age, that when you go to shake hands you go strong. Around age 9 or 10 I met this colonel from Kentucky (not Sanders) and when I went to shake his hand mine was completely engulfed and crushed. I swore, from that day on, that I would not longer get my hand…

I am a frozen yogurt-handed millennial. My father berated me until I developed a violent and terrible handshake FOR MEN. Now when I shake hands with other millennials (never do this, btw) I hear their knuckles crack, and then I feel bad because I am a weak-willed overly empathetic millennial puke baby.

I have calluses on my bowling hand. Does this make me a tough millennial?

Whether or not a player is suspended is not private information, hence why the university later confirmed that Ahmir Mitchell and Shelton Johnson were the suspended players. http://www.freep.com/story/sports/c…

Fun fact about the song — It has NINE (9!) people on the songwriting credits, including: