Shit. Let me try again then:

#HotTake: This was intentionally done by a team employee who 1) thought it would be funny or 2) was making a statement about the team trading for him. Because the chance that this was a random occurrence- that song for that player- is zero.

Moving into and cleaning an apartment.

It’s my kid’s sixth birthday. Chuck-E-Cheese with his brother and some family tonight, then a bigger party tomorrow.

I would like to know why Tim Marchman does not answer my emails in anywhere close to a timely fashion. I'll hang up and listen.

Why is this website so rude?

I have one younger brother who spent the bulk of his first two years in high school fielding comments from teachers like “you’re nothing like your brother, thank God.”

He’s a corporate vice-president now, so the lesson in overcoming a sketchy initial impression and showing people your value must’ve stuck with him.

I hate getting in conversations about high school, not because I had any drama, and I wasn’t picked on — but people ask things like “Oh well there was the one time I joined our school gymnastics team and won a silver medal” and I have to be there like “I didn’t do anything in high school, was I supposed to?”

Probably why I didn’t get to meet her :(

I feel like there are two kinds of people. People who like Ashley’s stuff and people who become irrationally upset by it and hate jokes and fun and happiness.

When I went to the Deadspin Awards (#humblebrag) I got to meet all of the writers I wanted to meet, with one major exception: Ashley Feinberg. She is a genius and a madwoman.

USA! USA! USA!

Or you could just ask the bartender to recommend something that’s “like a fancier version of Miller Lite”. The best part is that water is free.

The tug of war competition in the silliness that was ABC’s Superteams was the greatest made-for-tv event ever. Their rule was 1500 pounds of people so one of the arguments was over whether it was better to have fewer really huge guys or to have more smaller, but still big, men.

I’d bet table tennis players would be really good at carrying an egg on a spoon.

I’m guessing this is the guy who got Draymond’s snapchat from last week

Hell, why stop there? I’d definitely sign on for another two whole days added to each Olympics where each country’s best athletes compete in nothing but “Field Day” style events.

FYI, Teixeira is actually retiring at the end of the season, not Friday.

or the truth...”i need this guy to leave before everyone in the dugout realizes that this guy has more baseball knowledge in his pinky finger than i can even wish i had”

You’ve pissed off both the horse people and the arrow people. Ask Custer what happens next.