Deadspin Staph

6/16/16

I went to the same school as Bryant “Big Country” Reeves and the school was a pontoon boat and what we learned was that you have to keep Big Country wet or he’ll die. It was incredible to be a part of that.

6/15/16

Haters gonna say it’s fake.

6/15/16

Alright, voters, we all know which one needs to win this just to make a certain group of people angry. I’m not going to name any names, but let’s just call them the Shmest Shmans shmin Shmasemall.

6/14/16

Two Christmases!

6/14/16

Does this mean I’ll have to choose whom I’ll live with?

6/14/16

What will you do with the other $999,500,000?

6/14/16

“I don’t understand why Cleveland wants a ring so bad. This court has 2 basketball rings already!” - Ted Cruz

6/14/16

Today in Alternate Future History:

6/13/16

I assume Barry Melrose will play the part of “Barry.”

6/13/16

There is a 100% chance that the Stanley Cup contains more hockey player DNA than Elisha Cuthbert’s mouth

6/13/16

He’s definetly going to pee in it. And then he will wash it. But he will always know. And whenever he sees people drink out of it, he will smile to himself. Because he will know.

6/10/16

God forbid. That’s not the America I grew up in. That’s not the America I want to live in.

6/10/16

mutter mutter mutter every fucking week mutter mutter I’M RIGHT HERE

6/10/16

I prefer to keep my work day activities to using Outlook to hide the Deadspin browser.

6/10/16

“Can you expand”

6/10/16

$120 for a pair of mallwalkers. The world’s gone mad, I tell you.

6/10/16

Officially petitioning for a recurring series featuring the thoughts and opinions of Samer’s dad.

6/9/16

His game is what you’d expect from a guy who plays regularly against people he pays as to bodyguard him (btw: great job with that last night guys, way to earn your pay). His game is all cosmetic. Yeah, he can sort of dribble between his legs, but that move serves no purpose. He’s not doing it because the defender is…

6/9/16

Wait — I thought that All Takes Matter was the joke name given by Deadspin.

6/9/16

LOL, but to be Debbie Downer, would it be OK to make fun of someone’s shitty car, clothes, styles of dress, etc., because they were too poor to afford good things? Why is his seemingly poor lifestyle laughable? I laughed several times (your Ford Tempo comment was especially great), so I’m not judging...