*and can it be upgraded to vibrate? Also asking for your friend.

It’s going to be like watching a weird leg-sword fight with Delly trying to sweep the leg while Draymond is simultaneously trying to use it to shatter Delly’s nuts

I suspect you may actually NOT be asking for a friend.

Usually when someone is engaging in hyperbole when they say “this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen,” but no, no, not this time. I am wracking my brain, reviewing the entire history of my life and I truly believe that this is definitely, irrevocably the stupidest thing that I have ever seen. WOW.

The nice thing is that he can tack on a fifth digit at the end, too, for when the Cubs finally win the series in the 202nd century.

Couture’s FO% for the playoffs to-date over 20 games is only 43.3%, which is near the dead ass bottom of the top 100 faceoff takers this postseason. His regular season stat was a career-low 47.0%.

Hey sasquatchpatch you just scored a free air conditioner!

Counterpoint: This is the least annoying show that my nephews want to watch.

I always found this passage about Blatt to be telling:

This happened at my job. New guy comes in, acts like a brash jackass because of the way he did things at one of our sister stores, earned no respect, and we’re counting the days until he’s gone. All in the span of two months.

The Dairy Queen where I live used to have this stuff called crunch cote or something which they no longer have. Some sort of sweet, crunchy topping that might have contained peanuts or something. It was the best on top of soft serve. Even better made into a Blizzard. I don’t know if they got rid of it everywhere, or…

Shakes are better than soft serve. I know this is only an opinion, but mine is probably right because of how high I scored on my SATs.

The man also had Pau Gasol on his 1st-Team All-NBA ballot this year. Sadly, he seems to be a bit out of touch with reality these days.

Can you imagine how much Gatorade you could get out of that thing?!

I assume a Browns jersey comes out.

I’m new to hockey and not from Pittsburgh, so you can count that for or against me as you like.

Few things in his professional life have bothered him more than providing a box of condoms and a couple of bottles of booze as part of concert rider? This is one of the things that vexes him the most in a long career in college athletics? He must have led a pretty amazingly drama-free life up to this point.

The gardenia candles, organic pb&j, and Secret clinched it. Luda is wooing my mother.

Secret deodorant? He either likes women's hygiene products or he enjoys being surprised.