Could this be the right Peters?

“Aw, man. You guessed it.” - God

I so badly want to vote for Schilling, but Darren Rovell is a human vinegar douche. Not even the Summer’s Eve floral scented normal douche. A vinegar douche in a reusable douche bottle.

That Cavs fan should have put Curry’s mouth guard in his mouth and stared him down. Missed opportunity to show how tough Clevelanders are.

All.

I was out of blueberries so I used blue marbles instead. These muffins are terrible. One star.

He sold himself to Jed York for $15 million. Best doormat salesman ever!

Have to love a poll where you can vote for literally poop AND literally shit. (Hint: One of those is the Cardinals one.)

Tell her you’re taking her to New York to see a show. Women love shows. Take her to see Hoda and Kathie Lee or whatever it is that women watch these days.

Boats and hoes.

If someone wants to gift me a billion or so dollars I’ll buy it and continue business as usual.

He’s such a dirty asshole I wouldn’t even lick him with maple syrup.

Holy shit. That’s a lot of DNA.

Draymond Green is the Dennis Rodman to Steph and Klay’s M.J. and Scottie. That’s not a compliment.

Nelson it’s real simple:

Darren McFadden right now:

Thank goodness. How else am I supposed to make it through a work day. I might actually have to work.

What just happened. Am I in a time warp? I’m in a time warp. Great! There goes my weekend. Oh wait it’s back. Nevermind.

Holy crap I totally forgot those were a thing. Thanks for reminding me, jerk.