My dad was ridiculously cheap, my stepmother always got her Valentine candy on February 15th.

Only if Ann-Margret is my Valentine.

Didn’t read the article, huh?

Kinda negated by the ensuing profanity, though.

Thanks, came to post the same tune!

You’re thinking of the incredibly shitty 1987 cover version by 10,000 Maniacs.

Going from working for the New York Times

Why are you such a whiny little cunt?

I’m surprised that gazpacho was in her vocabulary at all, even if misused. Kind of elitist - one of them furrin words - her inbred base won’t like that!

And now a rotten, fascist potato sits in the House of Representatives.

I’ll stick with the term “cloth-wrapped” instead of “bandage-wrapped”. The latter brings to mind images of cheese covered with used Band-Aids, which makes me want to puke.

Generous of you to assume “thought” of any sort is involved.

Of course that’s what she meant.

Congrats, this may be the dumbest fucking thing Lifehacker has ever published. 

You handed me the setup, I had no choice.

All Champagne is sparkling wine, but not all sparkling wine is Champagne.

They’re not that bad when smothered entirely in real cheese.

Stupidity + Laziness. Or being a Republican.

Smarter than most Bud drinkers, though.