“WAS HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH BOYFRIEND WHEN HE PUT PHONE AND MONEY IN VAGINA”

If the Steelers win the Super Bowl and offer him a ring, would he take it?

Richardson was apparently very disappointed to learn he had to sell the whole team rather than each player individually.

Good form.

Give it another week. He’ll be down to a Surface Pro.

Offer has now been lowered to an iPad mini

I would imagine their local ads focus primarily on the air conditioning.

Which is doubly concerning given that America didn’t even win in MLS.

It’s not clear what Dupont yelled, but you can imagine.

When a player and a team cannot agree on a salary figure, the team will ignore the player by covering their faces with trays from a fast food restaurant. This is known as Arby tray shun.

Blockbuster: A play at the plate that is no longer allowed.

We don’t speak out loud in the office

Moon’s attorney will undoubtedly claim that sleeping under the same blankets is entirely normal, with the hope Haskell’s attorney doesn’t know the best way to attack the cover-two defense is to split the seams. 

Jeter gift basket jokes are so old, Roy Moore doesn’t even notice them while walking through the mall.

Grey Poupon? Isn’t he the Spurs coach?

Are we posting fat cats?! I’m here for this!!

Co-signed.

My fat cat is a good cat despite the fact he hates being rubbed on his invitingly fluffy stomach, to which he’ll turn into the raptors from Jurassic Park and start slashing. Rest in peace, Skeeter Duffy, may there be fluffy-cloud nap pillows and endless people-food scraps to pilfer in The Good Place for Fat Cats.