Parody Motor Trend’s “Engine Masters,” call it something like “Engine Murderers”

But your exhaust smells lovely. Briefly.

The engine ran successfully for 15 or 20 seconds? Sergio Marchionne has got to be on a plane to Russia right now. Alfa Romeo needs this technology.

If it had only been drive-able...

it’s not oil It’s deck stain.

Hah... they didn’t even go for a hardwood? Cedar is soft as hell..

Having extracted a cedar post from cylinder #2 in a SBC... yes. It’s a thing.

Aren’t cloth seats made of synthetic fabrics, which are generally made from petroleum? i.e. not renewable.

Can only mean one thing. Time to bring back velour.

Alcantara is to Ultrasuede what champagne is to sparkling wine.

It’s all the benefits of cloth seats (not freezing in the winter / scalding in the summer, harder to damage, you don’t slide around on it when taking quick turns, etc.) while still having a nice, premium feel. I vastly prefer it to other options.

Kind of like how there is only one major company making Pepsi.

Fuck that.

We could shave some sheep/poodles instead.

Is this because Alcantara populations are shrinking? Do they not breed well in captivity? Are they being overhunted?

They all laughed when I said I was going to start a Nauga ranch in the 2000's. Well who’s laughing now bitches? Time to get rich!

I’ve heard you can just take a little bit, and it will grow back, like pruning an apple tree.

The medicine’s free, but Buzzfeed gets to publish “Seven Times this Lady’s DNA Made Us LOL” and afterwords you’ll get ads targeted at specific gallstones until you die.

I bet it is. Isn’t his wife an md?

i’m sorry, zuckerberg hospital?