You are a human trombone noise.

“Coming soon to a lower league stadium near you: Jordan Ayew and a bunch of guys!”

Then there’s this: LaRoche, along with Brewers pitcher Blaine Boyer, spent 10 days in November in Southeast Asian brothels, wearing a hidden camera and doing undercover work to help rescue underage sex slaves.

“The doctors checked him between each round and each time he gave a full response to them. He responded to each question. He was asked where he was, what round he was going in to and what day of the week it was, and all of his answers were perfect.

The patented box-and-none zone.

It is unclear whether sprinting on a home run is a violation of baseball’s unwritten laws, or counts as playing the game the right way. A meeting to determine the answer will be held following the next Springsteen show.

She comes off utterly unprofessional and not a little bit crazy doing this.

CARDALE JONES: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you a troll?
DARREN ROVELL: I am a reporter.
CARDALE JONES: You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.

Oh. It will take a much larger abomination of a list to dethrone Marchman.

I wonder why more stadiums don’t serve poached eggs?

Some asshole stole Bartolo Colon’s belt and is showing it off in the background.

This is all that matters. Danny Willet’s brother’s Twitter.

That's okay. By deferring retirement by a few years, you can actually increase the number of stars you and your surviving dependents can collect later on.

I will give this a star if you fix the first line in the next six minutes.

It totally looked like him, too!

I spent more time than I care to admit trying to figure out what the fuck a “cado” is; is that really a word that requires abbreviation? Are you guys that busy?

One the one hand, these are entertaining glimpses into the life of the Deadspin offices.

in fairness, the kid’s a total douche.