i just realized that Damon Wayans could probably do a mean voice impression of Ben Carson

should get Jeb! on Kinja

Lowered Expectations!

I once woke up and my arm had fallen completely asleep and was laying like a dead weight on my chest. It was clammy and felt completely disconnected.

i was going with Loaded Weapon 1. Cause I’m that kinda nerd.

HATE meetings. I’ve always thought - if it’s a company wide meeting, then it’s probably not specific enough for me to care about or to attend. So I hide under my desk. Or smoke a doobie in the parking lot.

waking up without your dick.

I’m calling him the “English Patient” from now on.

Freddy Krueger pre-burns?

One of us! One of us!

they would too - but - they should have probably in ‘08 - and since ‘12 we’re in that beautifully coifed head

Leave Dunkin Donuts alone. It’s suffered enough.

“What am I, chopped liver?”

This is absurd, even for a rabid fan like myself, but somewhere, you gotta figure Tom Brady hopes the Giants don’t make the playoffs.

I take your point, no doubt.

He shoulda stuck with just the nuts

Fair enough to say the jury is out on Watkins, but I don’t think I’m wrong. I think 99% of NFL players have lived, breathed, slept and injected football since they were 10 years old. Same goes for pro golfers, basketball players and even fat ass baseball players. It's the daily grind that makes them who they are. The…

And I hear what you’re saying. I played college ball as well, D-III, and no amount of training would ever have made me good enough for even D-II. You need the physical, for sure.

To become a pro-athlete at Watkins level, you’ve got to have obsessive dedication, yes. Just look at JaMarcus Russell, and others.

the amount of work, and near obsessive dedication that it takes to make it to the NFL, I’m not surprised these guys are pissed.