It’s not DST, it’s the end of DST.

This is hugely pedantic, but guys it is NOT “daylight savings time yet again”, in fall we are LEAVING Daylight Savings Time and reverting back to standard time! So when people constantly bitch about how they hate Daylight Savings, what they usually mean is they LOVE it and they hate the reversion back to standard time…

As a man, I have no problem using cloth grocery bags. I just have a problem remember to take them with me.

Naw, he’s a white male in America....he’ll be fine. 

“We’ll see about that.” BOOM uninvited. Disrespect wrapped up in a threat. That alone tells me that she finds herself more important than her sister’s wedding.

I saw the headline and was convinced the championship would be determined between Legos and Cheap Wine. Disappointed that neither are present.

She is a wolf in (ugly, Chinese-produced) sheep’s clothing.

My mother fished my university acceptance letter out of the mail and told me I had been accepted. I had planned that moment the other way around and a bit more celebrational.

One of my favorite passive-aggressive pleasures is watching HGTV shows and reveling in how out dated half of the updates are going to look in about 2 years. There was one where a couple spent on ungodly amount of money on the most ghastly green granite you have ever seen- and had it all over the kitchen.

This is why rational family leave will never take hold in America. Someone’s always going to cry “no fair.”

(Sir David Attenborough voice) Let us observe as the Eastern Pastel-Coated White Prep Bro performs an intricate display of perceived masculinity while the females of the population proceed to actually get shit done.

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

I read that too fast & my brain thought you said “Tagalog”. Now I’m wondering how many cookies it takes to start speaking indigenous languages of the Philipines?

“There I was, enjoying a light repast at the Applebuddies club, engaging in a fine and stimulating discussion of Amanda McKittrick Ros’s brilliant use of simile and metaphor, when suddenly what should assault my ears but some jenny foreigner defiling the rarefied air of our great nation with her native tongue! Well I…

I just about jumped for joy when I saw the Communist Party signup form that came with the AP U.S. Government test.