Hell, yeah! I like to think it goes without saying that my next move is to find that checkbook and turn some charitable claims into charitable realities. Next, of course, I’ll make some investments in renewable energy, information infrastructure, space exploration, and longevity research. And, if it’s not too…

“funny how you don’t criticize women of color for straightening their hair.”

If you had to choose between living under President Trump or having your crotch eviscerated by a pack of rabid animals, which species of animal would you pick?

I plan on tricking him into giving it to us.

Back when I was convinced that this country would NEVER elect a loudmouth, stupid, clueless, stupid, racist, stupid, bloated, stupid, lying, stupid man, everything was fine.

I feel oppressed and with a sense of impending doom also.

Seth Meyers has been on it this entire election. He, Sam Bee, and John Oliver are getting me through this.

I was honestly really sad after hearing Tiffany’s speech at the RNC. Nearly every person who spoke at the DNC had more personal anecdotes to share about Hillary than Trump’s own daughter did.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to say “poor Ivanka” or “poor Tiffany” to this. Who do you pity more? The daughter he forgets exists or the one who is the subject of his gross fixation?

When presidential candidate and sentient hemorrhoid dripping with an odd concoction of santorum and Cheeto dust Donald Trump is president, we won’t have to worry about pesky women’s equality in the White House because there won’t be any women there in the first place.

Every white supremacist I have ever seen is always the bottom of the barrel of white people. There is nothing “supreme” about them.

Why not birds studies classes? #misaviary

What a horrible way to die, he was so young, I hope his baby brother does not remember this and I just can not word what his mother should be feeling now.

If you’re charging your cellphone at a 7-11, chances are you’re gonna be charged with a hate crime somewhere down the road ...

“Get back to your basket” is brilliant and I fear I will have ample opportunity to use it over the next few months.

Get back into your basket, dickwad.

He attempted to do it, and was immediately charged with attempted murder? Interesting. That does also involve a car. The grownups are talking about an actual murder over this way, one with recent newsworthy legal developments. Join us!

In before the “hate crime laws are thoughtcrime laws and are therefore bad:”

3 guesses as to their preferred candidate, and the first two don’t count?

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I hate people.