But sour apple does not go with the other flavors! It is really jarring when you're eating a bag. You need lime to pick up on the citrus notes from the orange and lemon.

One skittle is the new green apple one, which many people dislike on principle because green skittles should always be lime. The other is poison. This is not a hard decision.

Trump's "hair" all goes in the same direction, so I'd say it's significantly more consistent than his "policies."

Please also make several large donations to good causes.

Yes to all those things, but ice cream is still temporarily comforting.

One of the reasons is that the school has the ability to do things like allow students to change dorms or alter class schedules so that victims don’t have to come in constant contact with their rapists. In a lot of cases, people don’t necessarily want legal action and all of the nonsense that comes along with that,…

Well if you have a machete in there, the odds of blood coming out are pretty high.

Maybe he's going to talk about Ivanka's physical fitness rather than his own.

Speaking of crazy dreams, there's still a little corner of my lesbian heart that believes I was supposed to marry him.

I think you mean oops, you did it again.

If I keep reading all these puns, I'll drive myself crazy.

She's pretty and blonde. You know, the good kind of immigrant.

A big difference between the two is that the Trump statues weren't hanging from nooses.

Haunted bidet = best yet.

You could totally have grandchildren. Arlene could adopt.

That dog is so cute and I want to save it.

I hope whoever took this picture then treated the guy to whatever it is he's eating. He deserves the props.

What they mean is, "back in the good old days, we could call people whatever derogatory terms we liked, but now people pick on me when I do it."

Let me preface this by saying that I'm uncomfortable with ANY kind of rape joke. But I think prison ones are considered slightly more "acceptable" because they're seen as punishing bad people. Jokes about rape in any other context can apply to anyone, so they bother us more.

Thank you. It was nice to get a little something funny in the midst of all this awful.