Aaaaaand her Dad was an American citizen.

I waxed it once, 40-year-old virgin style. Once I stopped working out so much and put together my current Dadbod, coinciding with meeting my lovely and patient wife, it was bye bye giving a shit about my Burt Reynolds pelt.

I’m pretty hairy, but I used to shave my chest and trim my, um, dude parts. I had nicks EVERYWHERE and it’s like stubble forms immediately. Ingrown hairs and razor burn were more of an issue than cuts for me. Luckily, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski doesn’t care about my gross caveman-ness. People are always shocked…

When will people figure out that the right to free speech means that the government can’t stop you from speaking your beliefs. THAT’S FUCKING IT.

I live right on the line, but I’m just taking the day off and checking it out from my backyard. I’m more worried about getting home the night before - I’ll be flying in from Denver Sunday night and landing at 11, hopefully, traffic won’t kill me then.

I’ve got some time...

I get this but only in crowded buildings. I also get claustrophobic in small planes and away from doors in cars - any advice for those?

I get this but only in crowded buildings. I also get claustrophobic in small planes and away from doors in cars - any advice for those?

Never forget his greatest gift to us.

Not the best-worded sentiment, but in context it is fine.

Hey, it’s FIIIIIINE here. Your timeline has zero Emperor Beldings.

Gee, Pegs, maybe if Saint Fucking Ronnie hadn’t destroyed the Mental Health Systems Act as, what, the first fucking thing he did this guy wouldn’t have just been roaming the streets.

I think Qatar had it down cold for their WC stadium. There’s a model anyone can admire! Plus, think of how many dead poors would fall off of welfare! I think Steve would have the most confused boner if he thought of the cognitive dissonance between Qatar having their own slave labor and their being, you know, A-Rabs.

Vegas wouldn’t even take odds on this one.

As a former little league ump, I concur.

Would he like crying Oscar better?

My fingers were crossed for Bobcat Goldthwait.

Kamala Harris was the smartest person in the room for both hearings. It wasn’t even close. I’m a midwestern guy and had never really seen her work before. It was much like the first time that I saw Clayton Kershaw pitch or Steph Curry shoot in person - something you don’t get until you see it yourself. I’m a believer.…