I can barely tell the difference between a Bills tailgate and a 1970s Manchester coal-plant union protest.

Our backyard, which was full of pine trees, had been decorated by VCR tape. All night I watched that tape blow in the wind, fascinated by what my mother would say when she came home from work. I remember waking up that night to the sound of her crying.

We willingly fuck up our Thanksgivings—giving up one of the few days off we get a year to spend with family—watching our team drown the fun out of a great sport like some batshit postpartum mom.

I am now 30 years old. The prime of my life is gone. I work, I'm married, I'm thinking about having kids.

Asking a sportswriter to expand on a hypothetical "unsustainability" is like asking a newscaster to expand on the phrase "You heard it here first!" It's just a media placeholder meant to distract attention from a segue to an unrelated topic.

I live my life in baker's dozens thanks to this garbage.

A Gawker headline that reads "America Is Not For Black People." Hmm.

The flag on the helmet was obviously enlarged for the sake of Tampa's many, many elderly residents, who have been begging the team for a large font edition for decades now.

I don't know about you, but I have a new favorite superhero now.

Standing ovation. This is one of the best-researched pieces I've ever seen on Deadspin. Holy moly, where do you guys keep the DHOF ballots?

I feel like jumping out of crashing vehicles seconds away from certain doom is what Jason Statham does to unwind on the weekends.

Damon and Mangan were married in 2004. "She was awesome, like a five-tool player," Damon said.

Whatever happened surrounding those creepy photos of him on beds with 16 year old girls?

making a statement without having any actual knowledge of what he is talking about or not having the stones to hold to his opinion.

Yes, a waste of characters. Our most precious natural resource.

Let it go, Peg.

But the facts are the facts

Maybe...depending on what you consider a "large bone."

I don't know. Seems kind of Borderline to me.

I can't give everything away right up top, but I can say that your expectations are on track.