I was gonna suck my thumb, but I got high

It’s okay, he won’t remember any of this by Monday. 

He sits in front of the TV all day laughing at Paw Patrol. He’s stoned!

In his defense, all 5 month olds appear to be high

pelotón o plomo 

Could have been worse- usually when a Colombian ends up 80 kilos short, his whole family gets murdered.

I stand corrected: Geoff Cameron is still a shitbird, but he seems here like he’s not totally insane. It’s certainly true that he’s owned his beliefs in the past, so if he says this wasn’t him it probably wasn’t.

Not the worst thing Craig James has gotten away with 

I’ll always appreciate him because he was the first pitcher to win the Cy Young despite not winning many games thus pissing off all the old baseball people. 

I also miss the hover-over feature for other sites. I liked to give them a quick skim to see if anything struck my interest. I’m not a regular reader of, say, Jalopnik, but once or twice a week something there might catch my eye, and I was generally not disappointed if I clicked over and read something I might have…

Fucking yesssssss. Also, stop telling me my posts were saved instead of recommended. I don’t know what kind of soulless programmer was behind this iteration, but I hate it so hard.

There are numerous examples of this kind of round-number-chasing in meaningless September/October games; leave it to the Red Sox to shit away a full season THEN get their sanctimonious panties in a bunch when the opposition reminds them they are playing in meaningless games.

“I’m a fastest non-automatic qualifier, baby, so why don’t you kill me.”

Don’t leave us hanging here; did Abraham ask if he cared?

You know how I know you’re gay?











BECAUSE I’M YOU

I remember a few years ago Cameron was talking about Sharia no go zones and the joke being that of course he’s never been to Europe, he plays for Stoke.

I remember when the greatest controversy surrounding soccer is when Dylan’s whore-ass mom brought whole oranges instead of slices.

I’m not terribly surprised an Ivy League school is doing a bit of pearl-clutching when they see CUMB where they don’t want it. 

Alisson Becker sounds like a cute cast member on BH 90210.

Planes fly due to the Bernoulli effect. And because I know this, I was able to nail the goddamn New Yorker and their legendary fact-checkers such that they had to print this correction!