Don’t feel bad Drew. I was not in a coma and had to look up what the Miami Miracle was.

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

Ah, New Zealand. The land of hobbits and outrageous outdoor fun.

It’s just not economical.  Rats require twice the number of shoes as humans.

Listen up, America - this statement:

what happened to cement overshoes and the fuckin East River

You can find it at “the roller coaster Shambhala in a Barcelona theme park”.  Hope that clears things up for you

Can’t, I’m at work.

Fistball?

“Mine!” -Kempf

*murdered by Portland Timbers fans* 

My older brothers exclusively referred to the long sideburns I foolishly wore in high school as my “Brady Andersons”, as in “check out Kyle rocking the fucking Brady Andersons over here.”

Look, I understand that some of the prices at the concessions are quite high, and some of the tickets are quite expensive for seats with brutal sightlines. But I wouldn’t call the Yankees ownership “fascist jerk offs”.

he’s a good bet to repeat this next year since Soler power is a renewable resource

Jorge Soler is Spanish for Brady Anderson.

> paramilitary contingent

Pitcher: “Your frequent replacement of perfectly fine baseballs is excessive.”

Umpire: “What? Why wouldn’t the Freemasons find Spaceballs impressive?”

[...mutual confused silence...]

Pitcher, Umpire, Batter, and Catcher together: “Bill Pullman sucks.”

This is the worst issue of Highlights magazine yet. I’m canceling my subscription!

He apparently told cops he pulled his pants down during the WSOP because he had lost a bet.

What happens in Las Vegas stays in the Southern Nevada Corrections Center