Where is "none?" The only thing worse than throwing up something, is throwing up nothing.

Jesus Christ, Laura! The body isn’t even cold yet!

I mean...of anyone in the MLB, Verlander especially has the right to be super protective over who has access to his cell phone information.

Thank you for staying laser focused on sports by breaking down his swing. I’d be upset if I was tricked into reading about international geopolitical events on Deadspin.

I was sitting in the right field stands at Nats park back when he was playing for the Cardinals. The stadium was quiet because it had been a fairly uneventful game, and I’d had a lot to drink, so I decided to heckle him.

Surprising to see him get the sack as an edge rusher; usually Peace comes from within.

I’m not typically one to cast aspersions on people I don’t know, but if Dan Dakich’s family member is dealing with chronic work-related injuries, has earned $100 million in the last seven years, and has a degree in architectural design from Stanford, then he’s an idiot for continuing to show up every day at the steel…

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

Holy fuck I’ve never used the word notary.

Also, he plays for a team with a demented goober billionaire owner on more narcotics than an entire bus of Merry Pranksters who spent years staffing an offensive line of folding chairs while Luck earned a medical degree by observing his shoulder reconstruction. Destroying your body for those fans? How many years can…

In my opinion, we can never express our thanks loudly or often enough for the heroic actions of all the notaries who have sacrificed everything for this country. 

I hope that NFL players take note of the lack of empathy people have shown Andrew Luck during this entire process. Don’t feel guilty about hold-outs for more money. Get as much money as you can and get the hell out before it becomes a detriment to your health. 

It’s made worse by the fact that the alternative jerseys from other years ranged from interesting to actually decent. They’ve taken that and tried to standardize uniforms—y’know, the things which exist to differentiate teams!

Bettman is still probably the worst commissioner, but at least he still seems to actually like hockey. MLB and Manfred seem like they actively hate baseball and are trying their hardest to make it shitty in new and exciting ways. 

Cleave to sports!

NFL: “Let’s make games unwatchable by having teams wear uniforms that are entirely one of their team colors.”

they also agreed pitchers on the white uniformed teams had to wear black hats so as to not have the possibility of hiding the ball in their motion. just a rousing success all around.

Our thoughts are with their friends and family

Man. He got hit in the head so repetitively his son went crazy.

how many times has Ovechkin, parked in the left circle, yelled at him “bitch, set me up?”