It’s just like the beginning of Good Will Hunting, except none of them are geniuses and it’s entirely their fault. 

welcome back

“Damnit, I wish DC could win just one championship for a change!”

Word out of Washington is that their plan was always to have him be John Steel Slats anyway.

Yeah, hmmm, what happened over the last 2 years in Washington that would piss the world off?

Also I had people over at my place for a party. What am I supposed to do, in the middle of the 3rd quarter ask if they want to watch the Netflix Fyre Festival documentary instead?

I can’t say I really agree with his Scocca’s thesis, though. Super Bowl LIII aside, Patriots’ Super Bowls - both wins and losses - have been exhilarating, hair-raising spectacles. 

Though he doesn’t use the word ‘boring’, he sort of implies that watching the Patriots in the Super Bowl has been boring. Correction: super…

Exactly. They’re clearly the best at their sport and also a symptom of what’s making their sport barely watchable. 00's Chelski springs to mind

The last thing LaVar Ball needs is to be around more Suns that don’t play basketball well.

[LaVar Ball emerges from the woods]

when my step-son says i’m not his real dad i point out that his real dad and i are pretty similar because neither of us love him.

He was making queso.

It looked like the Pats DL/LBs for the whole game just took their advice from Marshawn Lynch and kept running through a motherfucker’s face.

This brings up a point that came to mind recently: Tom Brady seems to have some legit, deep-seeded, inferiority complex that - given his accolades, and more-importantly, age - he should really be over by now. Like, dude, you’re 41 years old and talking yourself up like you’re a teenager who got his lunch money stolen.

The lack of screen passes or any short yardage, high percentage plays was just baffling.

That’s straight-up Roger Rabbit Dip.

Arnold Toht’s face after the Ark opens

I watch the Jaguars, so I think I’m a bit of an expert on the difference between good defense and bad quarterback play. And I’m going with Dante on this one.

This. McVey suckered himself into the idea that the score was low, the game was close, just bunker down and play it conservative. I would pay actual money to hear him replay his memory-tape of the moment he realized what a tremendously bad decision he’d made.