But it just takes the right quarterback and coach and leadership.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

“21+ a must" only for age, never for tipping percentage. 

“My name is Zhang Weili. I am from China. Remember me!”

You mean like maybe the Texans mediocre coach is a mediocre GM too? Huh...

I kept wondering when Texas would get a new running back and why they kept fucking up the Clowney situation, then I remember Bill O'Brien. I mean... Fuck. 

Police were able to easily apprehend Cousins, who apparently blew out both knees and Achilles on his way to take the shot.

HOLY SHIT. I love the internet sometimes.

GOD DAMN IT! Fuck my only passing knowledge of meme culture. 

Can I talk to you about DMT and deer meat? I’m gonna blow your fucking mind. 

Penn has had 11 loses in the last decade, with 5 coming from T/KO. I dunno...maybe that’s bad for a brains ability to do things like regulate emotion or do a risk/rewards analysis...Or maybe he ate too many GMO’s.

Judging by his injury history, I’m assuming Fournette’s kid is the one who got laid out.

The Cowboys are “America’s Team” in that we have a president who suggested we nuke hurricanes. That is the Cowboys.

Remember when Tony Romo retired and everyone was like, “LOL, bout time, mush brain.” Then he became an announcer was was actually enjoyable, interesting and insightful?
Jason Witten is bizzaro Tony Romo.

That jaw unhinges and he eats things whole. 

I’m so excited to have a new brain genius in profession sports. Like, Kyrie just got served. 

Andrew Luck 2012: *Takes a sack* Great job, man. Insane hustle. You really got me.

Andrew Luck 2019: You even just look at the ceiling and wish you could stop existing? Like, not die, but just POOF and cease being altogether. Maybe it’s nothing but motionless, soundless black. Complete emptiness. Nothingness. But it’s…

Real talk: Why would he need to confirm they weren’t made of human flesh...unless they WERE?

Pretty sure they were saying, "An-DREEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!”

To be fair, his mom’s deterioration was probably eased by the fact that she wouldn’t recognize her son as a failure.