Noice.

“I’m going to pay for this for the rest of my life.”
Uh.....Good? 

Don’t bullshit me. That’s Mark Davis with glasses and a slightly better haircut. 

The laptop that Cam Newton stole in college is technologically more advanced than 95% of North Carolina. 

He’s here to do a football. 

Low key best part is Brown painting his helmet similar to the Raiders colors and trying to sneak it on field like some cartoon villain wearing a mop to pretend they have long hair. 

We are all assholes!

This is what a degree from film school is for.  

You see...the joke is they’re playing badly because they’ve been bribed by the “drug cartel” (you know those guys) to throw games. The conceit being that the drug cartel would bet against the pitcher’s team, who would blow the games and the drug cartel would then collect a lot of money in winnings.

Please, Jim Breuer can’t be racist. He’s not nearly popular enough. 

I love pro wrestling. I don't give a shit about part timers from 15 years ago. 

Okay, smartass, if we don’t continue to hold the Olympics in major cities, where will we get our dystonian future high tech prisons/survival game show sets from? Checkmate, lib.

I hear Hogan is available. 

I get that WWE is not “REAL” fighting but I can’t even imagine who wants to see Lesnar anymore after he was either too scared or unable to stay clean enough to fight DC.
Also, I saw most of these fucking dudes in the early 2000's and didn’t give a shit then.

Every. Single. Day.

Barry Be like: “The Field of Dreams ballfield is 281 feet to left, 314 to center, and 262 to right. Either they’re gonna move the fences back for Yankees/White Sox or that game’s going to be a farce.”

MLB Be like: Why not both? 

“Apparently there’s some confusion about white nationalism”

So they....are....a...butthole waxing service?

HELL YEAH! Gimme that sweet, “Hamilton Nolan shits on a popular health trend under the guise of current news but actually because he actively hates all fucking gyms.”
Crossfit? Fuck you, do burpees till you puke in your backyard!
Soul Cycle? More like butthole cycle! Ride your fixed gear bike up an incline hill until…

I legitimately love this comment.