“Bzzt... Feelings of human inside me. Unacceptable. Illogical. Abort.  Abort." -Alternate Universe Trevor Bauer's pregnant mom

I ate three slices of pizza and drank a sugar-free Red Bull. I nearly threw up twice during the game, but I got shots up and hit six threes.

Haven’t watched Radioflyer since I was a kid but HOLY SHIT, I never put together that the fucking kid died. I always took it as a stupid, but cutesy fairytale but now...Fuck. I gotta sit down. 

THIS IS BECAUSE OF CANS! FUCKING CANS RUIN EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE!

THIS IS BECAUSE OF CANS! FUCKING CANS RUIN EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE!

MVPs ditch the sleeves. 

Same energy

Are you fucking challenging me?! I swear to god, I’ll kick that fucking can so hard it’s fucking can children will cry. I’ll cause collateral damage at the aluminum plant, I’ll kick it so fucking hard. I even see a can and I’ll lose my shit.

The office was split 50/50 on whether to include you and they let Drew be the deciding vote. Not wanting to offend anyone he chose to....kick the can down the road.

REALLY surprised no one opted for “My cousin who totally fucked Kate Upton” or “Guy I overheard at a Hipster Coffee Shop.” I’d gladly take up the mantle but I’m FAR too busy being a successful businessman and having human sex with my very hot, European wife.

Andre the Giant is the bigfoot inside all of us.

Right...Okay, but how is it that Mack’s contract last year set the stage for all of these holdouts and player flexes and I don’t see anything about that in the article? 

I told you to stop calling me that in public. 

Listen, fun is fun, but if you’re going to interrupt your kid’s summer league game do it in the time honored and respectable fashion...get into a drunken argument with the official, before taking a few swings at random parents trying to separate the two of you, then storm off to your car screaming, “I’m sorry, I…

Again, a Senate confirmation is not a trial, it’s a job interview. You can be denied a job for literally any reason. Not getting a job isn’t a prison sentence, hence you don’t need 100% proof to believe an accuser in this scenario (though there doesn’t seem to be any reason to doubt Spletstoser).

HEAR IT FROM JAGUARS FANS!

“local groups protested the plan because Triangle Park may be the site of two separate American Indian burial grounds.”

“My man on lock so hard, he got a deadbolt AND one of those sliding chain things. He got The Club in cars he don’t even own. He got a key card system, where if you lose your card you gotta go all the way to the front desk and put down a $5 deposit for a replacement! You lose that key and you don’t get your $5 back.…

So he thought they had given him the starting job, only to have the team take it back? There should be a term for that kind of giving.

The 2011-12 season was against the Giants the 2012-13 season was against Atlanta.