A “hearty diet is shit” would be appropriate for you!

That’s fair. I typically think of crab (softshell excluded) as a vessel for butter delivery to my mouth, so the more meat, the more butter, which means I will take more meat over more flavor, but I definitely do enjoy the taste of other crab meat by itself more than King.

I prefer a president who knows exactly how much cocaine and adderall to take to still be able to tweet at 4AM.

Yeah, I’m fine with frozen crab, I’m just only going to fight over the fresh stuff!

I’ll allow it.

White men who go by three names should probably be put on a list somewhere, it seems to be a theme.

I think you left out one very important fact:

To be honest, the term “verminfluencers” seems more applicable to the people version than these little cuties.

Slow morning?

Fuck that this kid absolutely should have been arrested because he’ll never forget that lesson. He won’t get any jail time, because he’s 12, but I’m betting the judge makes him do community service and counseling/education, which is the right punishment. The concerns that this kid is going to jail are ridiculous. 

Getting into a good law school likely came with a large donation from his father and his dad being rich and connected means he has not faced consequences for pretty much anything in his life. This is exactly how I would expect him to behave (not an excuse of course). I mean, read this article on his DUI and tell me…

Aww, I feel remembered!

And here I was just wanting to make a husky voice, husky dog joke (which wasn’t even very good!). I really didn’t think about this aspect of it and didn’t know about the voice recognition thing at all. It really sucks that she felt the need to make her voice lower and it’s probably the last of her lies that should be…

And keep separate bottles of all those spices like I’m some kind of king? 

He gets 5 points for hitting the outer ring, but really needs to up his accuracy if he wants to continue his career in spawn darts (like lawn darts but with children).

I got you.

I forgot about the voice! She pretended her voice was husky and that her husky was a wolf, I wonder how long until she just started howling instead of speaking and claiming that it was a more efficient mode of communication.

Yeah, nothing really clears up your political position like, “I literally would have volunteered to be a Nazi soldier if I could have.”

Yeah but a drop from that distance would give you plenty of time to change your mind and then freak the fuck out.