There’s a non-zero chance Apple has people installing malware in Surface tablets and pays Foxconn to plant tiny explosives in Samsung phones right?

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

Unless there’s oil underneath the scenery, then we can put a price on it.

Voldemort had a more defined policy platform.

The Cheeto Voldemort! Best one yet.

I’m having a hard time believing that there are Bears fans in Chicago.

In fairness, Chris reported he was going to MTV News

He’s got below average speed, unless he seizure in trouble.

Finally a pro scout recognizes Tebow as a quarterback.

Must be why he’s so into Ivanka, he knows the ones with the wreck of a father are the best lay.

HOST: Our next call is from Curt in Rhode Island. What have you got for us today, Curt?

I assume he just keeps a bathtub full of that shit on standby for just such an occasion.

Just get of balks outright? That is the dumbest suggestion I’ve ever heard.

“Its a dumb rule that I’d love to see go away. glad it wasn’t called.”

How is it a dumb rule that shouldn’t be called in this instance? Harper is leaning towards second at that point. The pitcher by rule has to go home, so the only reason he gets the pick off is because he waits longer than legally allowed to throw to first, thereby catching the runner by surprise and getting an out.

If you’re talking shit about the McRib then we’re gonna fight.

Nothing in our article has had the slightest effect on the reputation that Mr. Trump, through his own words and actions, has already created for himself.

OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING. How do people watch him and think “Yeah this guy has it all figured out.”

I really wish people would stop saying this. I absolutely do not deserve to be ruled by a rape-y bigoted shit bag.